lets start a swedish sibling band together
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
