I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
