how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
