Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
