I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
