Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
