First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
