He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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