yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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