Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
