Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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