we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
