I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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