We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
