I'm lost and stupid without you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
