Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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