R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
