You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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