I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I CAN MOONWALK!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
