i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
