you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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