Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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