True but thats because hes a fetus.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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