It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
