all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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