so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
