you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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