dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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