Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
