I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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