it was like having sex with a tree stump
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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