We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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