Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
