you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I fill condoms, not promises.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
