I wannas sexs uuuuu
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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