I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize