he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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