I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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