We named our party play list daddy issues
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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