So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
