I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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