I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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