I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
