I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
