When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
