apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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