we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
