yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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