new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
worst night to have a conscience
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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