you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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