Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
