Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
