So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
