if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
