Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
