I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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