we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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