Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
