I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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