now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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