I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
