i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
