So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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