umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
