She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize