I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she peed on how many people?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
