k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
