Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
